I'd like to say at the outset that this post may come across as harsh, even though I've tried my best to stay objective. It's not easy walking in another person's shoes, so to all single parents out there, I apologize for anything I say which may piss you off, while I attempt to organize my thoughts.
I came across an interesting thread on one of the online communities I belong to. It was regarding single parents and dating. One poster asked when it was appropriate to introduce small children to the new person in their life.. and that got me thinking.
Is it really necessary to begin dating when one has small children? I really don't think so, although I can understand a person's need for companionship. However, with all the horror stories one hears about, it's a little scary to think of some psycho, posing as an eligible partner, whose only thought is to harm your kids. That alone is enough to convince me that it shouldn't be done, not when the kids are small anyway. Is that a pessimistic/paranoid approach? I suppose it is in a sense. But isn't the best interests of your child more important than a stranger? I'd rather be a pessimistic, paranoid freak, than let any harm come to my children. LOL I'm a bit of an extremist, can you tell? But no I don't live in seclusion ;)
I am thankful that I'm not in a position where I have to face life alone, and I'm sorry that people due to circumstance have to. On the one hand I want to encourage them to get on with life, and live it to it's fullest, but on the other hand I wonder why that can not be done alone? I know I could do it, because I'm one of those who "needs because I love" and not "loves because I need".
When I think about so many marriages that take a back seat once the kids arrive, I wonder how people can think of dates and meeting new people? I mean, I have a man right here in my house and I don't have time for him (sorry honey), so if I were single, how the hell would I make time for someone?
Am I coming across as a woman so secure in the knowledge that she has a man around that I have no clue about the trials of single parenthood? Or am I just a tough cookie who knows she can make it on her own?
I'd appreciate comments, as I plan to blog more about this after I ponder it some more. And if there are any single parents out there dating, I'd love to get some insight from you... who knows, I may not be seeing something you see. :)
I came across an interesting thread on one of the online communities I belong to. It was regarding single parents and dating. One poster asked when it was appropriate to introduce small children to the new person in their life.. and that got me thinking.
Is it really necessary to begin dating when one has small children? I really don't think so, although I can understand a person's need for companionship. However, with all the horror stories one hears about, it's a little scary to think of some psycho, posing as an eligible partner, whose only thought is to harm your kids. That alone is enough to convince me that it shouldn't be done, not when the kids are small anyway. Is that a pessimistic/paranoid approach? I suppose it is in a sense. But isn't the best interests of your child more important than a stranger? I'd rather be a pessimistic, paranoid freak, than let any harm come to my children. LOL I'm a bit of an extremist, can you tell? But no I don't live in seclusion ;)
I am thankful that I'm not in a position where I have to face life alone, and I'm sorry that people due to circumstance have to. On the one hand I want to encourage them to get on with life, and live it to it's fullest, but on the other hand I wonder why that can not be done alone? I know I could do it, because I'm one of those who "needs because I love" and not "loves because I need".
When I think about so many marriages that take a back seat once the kids arrive, I wonder how people can think of dates and meeting new people? I mean, I have a man right here in my house and I don't have time for him (sorry honey), so if I were single, how the hell would I make time for someone?
Am I coming across as a woman so secure in the knowledge that she has a man around that I have no clue about the trials of single parenthood? Or am I just a tough cookie who knows she can make it on her own?
I'd appreciate comments, as I plan to blog more about this after I ponder it some more. And if there are any single parents out there dating, I'd love to get some insight from you... who knows, I may not be seeing something you see. :)
2 comments:
I think you are totally secure in yourself and your relationship. But remember not everyone is. While I agree that a parent of young children should be extremely cautious and try to maintain a level head when dating, I don't necessarily think they should abstain from dating altogether. Doing things for yourself, stepping back and taking some "me" time can make you a better mother/father. That is, as long as they don't obsess over it.
So many single parents are affection starved and overwhelmed by work and caring for their children and feel a desperate need to connect to another adult, be it a friend, or a lover. Just knowing that someone is there whether you have time for them or not is a huge psychological boost. I can see how knowing that someone is NOT there can be heartbreakingly lonely.
Ok, from a single mother's point of view....After i became single after a six year relationship, i didnt want to start anything, in hopes that maybe things would get fixed and the kids father and i would be able to see eye to eye and do it for the kids, but hell no! the bastard will be a bastard for life.
So about 8 months later i started dating, casual nothing serious, more for companionship. But i never brought any of them around the kids, because it was never serious...and i dont believe in bring all these "uncles" around my children. I was a mother first and in the eyes of my children i had to keep my respect and still have to till today.
Now Mike and i have been together for three years but he nver met my kids for atleast three months. and then we moved in together a year later...so he is now "dad" to my babies...
it gets lonely being a single mother and we dont get the best side of the stick because we are looked down on, as loose and used baggage, but it gets lonely, and everyone needs companionship.
Sai.
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