All I've done the last one week is be "mommy". And I really thought I was breaking free, I even hired a housekeeper to help me out, so I would have more time for me. Well, that didn't work out, and now it's back to dirty dishes, laundry, dusting and all the other wonderful things which make motherhood so.... interesting. In the last three years, I'd literally convinced myself that THIS is what life is all about. The daily chores, keeping house, stressing about dinner, blah blah frickin BLAH! What have I become?
Obviously someone who is so trapped in a life which is not entirely satisfying, that I actually convinced myself that all was well. It's only recently that I've come to realize... I've been an idiot, and I only have myself to blame. Sure, I got caught up in raising kids, and being a mommy to my wonderful twins, but really... am I giving them my all? As a mother, maybe I'm doing a great job, and trust me enough people tell me that I am. But as a role model? I don't think so.
I neglect myself, I've all but stopped exercising my brain, I barely glance at myself in the mirror, and I'm certainly not the wife I used to be pre kids. And yeah, I'm sure there are a zillion women out there who would probably say "so what? you're doing the best you can do." Well sorry, I say bullshit! I'm NOT doing my best. My best is or rather, was a hell of a lot more kick ass than this woman I've become. A woman who maybe not at first, but after a while began hiding behind the word "mom". Every little thing I couldn't or wouldn't do was explained away, to myself and others with the words "I don't have the time." At first maybe that really was the case, and anyone who has twins knows what the first year can be like. Seriously, some days I didn't have time to visit the washroom! LOL. Soon it became a vent, and then slowly a mantra... I was so convinced, and some days I still am convinced that I just don't have the damn time.
But I do! I have lots of time to take care of me. Somewhere between doing the dishes and four loads of laundry.... LOL see how quickly the excuses slip out? Funny we never mention nap time or the time after the kids are slumbering, or watching TV, or playing happily with an interesting toy. Why can't I pick up a good book to read then? Or do my nails? Or talk to my husband about his day? Or actually do any damn thing that matters to ME as an individual? Why do we insist on wasting ourselves? Do we really get so comfortable in this role of "mom" or are we using it as an excuse?
Obviously someone who is so trapped in a life which is not entirely satisfying, that I actually convinced myself that all was well. It's only recently that I've come to realize... I've been an idiot, and I only have myself to blame. Sure, I got caught up in raising kids, and being a mommy to my wonderful twins, but really... am I giving them my all? As a mother, maybe I'm doing a great job, and trust me enough people tell me that I am. But as a role model? I don't think so.
I neglect myself, I've all but stopped exercising my brain, I barely glance at myself in the mirror, and I'm certainly not the wife I used to be pre kids. And yeah, I'm sure there are a zillion women out there who would probably say "so what? you're doing the best you can do." Well sorry, I say bullshit! I'm NOT doing my best. My best is or rather, was a hell of a lot more kick ass than this woman I've become. A woman who maybe not at first, but after a while began hiding behind the word "mom". Every little thing I couldn't or wouldn't do was explained away, to myself and others with the words "I don't have the time." At first maybe that really was the case, and anyone who has twins knows what the first year can be like. Seriously, some days I didn't have time to visit the washroom! LOL. Soon it became a vent, and then slowly a mantra... I was so convinced, and some days I still am convinced that I just don't have the damn time.
But I do! I have lots of time to take care of me. Somewhere between doing the dishes and four loads of laundry.... LOL see how quickly the excuses slip out? Funny we never mention nap time or the time after the kids are slumbering, or watching TV, or playing happily with an interesting toy. Why can't I pick up a good book to read then? Or do my nails? Or talk to my husband about his day? Or actually do any damn thing that matters to ME as an individual? Why do we insist on wasting ourselves? Do we really get so comfortable in this role of "mom" or are we using it as an excuse?
2 comments:
Good points! I can totally relate on some levels! Here's to being Mom AND yourself!!!
Definitely use it as an excuse... I have totally lost myself too.. I have started to paint the girls' nails when I do mine.. and they love it... They feel so grown up. I wonder if you couldn't incorporate some pampering as time with the kids too.. a foot soak, and lotion on the feet, or a mini manicure... hey.. boys need them to!
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